The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes

Your weekly horoscopes for the week of 28 April 2025.

Aries

This week, your rage is righteous but your Wi-Fi isn’t. Before starting a fight online, check your signal—and your sanity.

Taurus

Comfort is cute until it becomes a trap with snacks. Stretch something besides the truth and your waistband.

Gemini

You’re juggling too many personalities and none of them pay rent. Pick one to lead the Zoom call.

Cancer

Your coping mechanisms now have coping mechanisms. Instead of nesting, try escaping the nest for once. And while you’re at it, remind your landlord to fix the earthquake induced cracks in your apartment.

Leo

Everyone saw what you posted. Twice. This week, try letting your silence speak louder than your thirst traps.

Virgo

Your perfectionism is a slow-motion car crash between a Grab driver and a Mercedes. Let something be ugly on purpose—like a street rat outside 7/11.

Libra

Your diplomacy is just indecision in a nicer outfit. Make a call. Even if it’s the wrong one, at least it’s content.

Scorpio

You’ve been giving off cryptic villain energy, and frankly, it suits you. Just remember not everyone deserves your plot twist.

Sagittarius

You mistook spontaneity for a personality again. Book the flight—just maybe tell someone where you're going this time.

Capricorn

Your grindset is starting to grind down everyone around you. Clock out before someone stages an intervention over beers.

Aquarius

You claim to be above it all but keep checking who viewed your story. Either join the drama or delete the app.

Pisces

You're dreaming so hard you forgot rent exists. Wake up, pay a bill, and write your feelings on something that won’t get soggy, because rainy season is coming. You should also buy an umbrella.