The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes
Your horoscopes for the week of 04 August 2025
Aries
You’ll charge ahead, get completely lost, and refuse to admit it. Classic. This week’s person to ask for help: the win driver who sighs dramatically but still gets you there.
Taurus
You’ll try to retrace your steps with sheer willpower and snacks. Eventually, you’ll cave. This week’s person to ask for help: the security guard who calls you ‘boss’ with mild pity.
Gemini
You’ll pretend you meant to get lost and turn it into content. This week’s person to ask for help: a dispirited teenage barista who gives directions like riddles.
Cancer
You’ll spiral emotionally after one wrong turn and assume the universe hates you. This week’s person to ask for help: the auntie selling grilled bananas who sees into your soul.
Leo
You’ll get lost while trying to look iconic and blame the lighting. This week’s person to ask for help: a tourist who thinks you work here.
Virgo
You’ll have four backup routes and still end up on the wrong BTS line. This week’s person to ask for help: a monitor lizard with a laminated map.
Libra
You’ll get lost with someone else and make it romantic. Or awkward. This week’s person to ask for help: a couple mid-breakup who pause to save you.
Scorpio
You’ll vanish for hours, claim it was intentional, and subtly demand applause. This week’s person to ask for help: a barefoot backpacker.
Sagittarius
You’ll love being lost until your phone dies. Then panic stylishly. This week’s person to ask for help: an off-duty tuk-tuk driver who calls himself ‘Uncle Love’.
Capricorn
You’ll act like you’re not lost because being lost is inefficient. This week’s person to ask for help: the barista who recognizes your shame and makes it their business to get your tip money.
Aquarius
You’ll theorize your way into a parallel street system and spiral through the multiverse. Impressive, but unhelpful. This week’s person to ask for help: a terminally-online conspiracy theorist with printed diagrams.
Pisces
You’ll follow a stray cat, end up in a new life, and forget the original destination. This week’s person to ask for help: a fortune teller with no fixed abode.