The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes

Your weekly horoscopes for 12 May 2025

Aries

You’re dangerously close to becoming the kind of person who gives TED Talks at afterparties. This week, try silence—it’s cheaper than therapy.

Taurus

Your fridge is full, your heart is not. One of those things needs defrosting. Oh, and you also need to do something with the kimchi you panic-bought during Songkran.

Gemini

You’re flirting with several different futures and ghosting all of them. Pick a lane—or at least wear a helmet.

Cancer

You’re nurturing people who wouldn't notice if you evaporated. This week, water your own damn houseplants, at least once.

Leo

Your charisma is working overtime, but your credibility called in sick. DO NOT pitch another startup over brunch.

Virgo

You’ve color-coded your stress and labeled it ‘self-care.’ Your spreadsheets won’t save you, sweetie—but they will delay the inevitable.

Libra

You’re one Instagram poll away from outsourcing your entire identity. Make a decision without feedback. Then wallow in regret.

Scorpio

You’re radiating mystery but sweating desperation. This week, try telling the truth—but with menace.

Sagittarius

You're on a quest for meaning and discounted flights. One of those things will crash. Pack light and lie boldly.

Capricorn

You're building an empire out of petty grievances and Google Docs. This week, delegate the rage. Focus on the spreadsheet.

Aquarius

You’re not misunderstood—you’re just explaining yourself like a infomercial presenter in a blackout. Sleep.

Pisces

You're in love with someone who only exists in your Notes app. This week, try dating a real person. Or finding a BFF on Grindr.