The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes

Your weekly horoscopes for the week of 26 May 2025

Aries

You're running on iced coffee and unresolved rage. This week, either fight your demons or invite them to brunch.

Taurus

You're clinging to your comfort zone like it pays rent. Spoiler: it doesn’t. Step outside the condo before your couch stages an intervention for codependence.

Gemini

Your brain is tab-hopping like a caffeinated raccoon. This week, pick one obsession and spiral with some dignity, goddammit.

Cancer

You're trying to heal others vicariously by bathing them in your presence, but your personality is degrading faster than a face mask in burning season. Recharge or crash—there is no third option.

Leo

You're giving ‘main character’ in a story no one asked to be a part of. Try humility, or at least mood lighting.

Virgo

You're micromanaging your own breakdown. Let something fall apart—it builds character, and content.

Libra

You’re negotiating peace treaties in group chats again. This week, read about war crimes. Then choose violence. Maybe.

Scorpio

You're manifesting drama like you’re running an MLM pitch. Cut the intensity or charge admission.

Sagittarius

You’ve mistaken escapism for enlightenment again. A bar crawl isn’t a spiritual journey just because you cried during it.

Capricorn

You’ve monetized every hobby and still feel empty. This week, do something for free. Try clipping your toenails in front of a monitor lizard at Lumpini Park.

Aquarius

You're reinventing society in your notes app again. This time, try finishing the thought before starting your manifesto.

Pisces

You're two tarot pulls and a Spotify playlist away from declaring yourself a prophet. This week, just do your laundry.