The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes

Your horoscopes for the week of 9 June 2025.

Aries

You're not impulsive, you're just allergic to forethought. This week, try counting to ten before burning bridges—or at least check who's on the other side.

Taurus

You're curating your life like an overpriced salad. Unfortunately, it's all lettuce and no crunch. Time to add some existential croutons.

Gemini

You’re multitasking emotions again. No one can keep up, including you. Maybe just have one feeling at a time, for a change.

Cancer

You keep nurturing people who treat you like an emotional power bank. This week, unplug. Let them find another outlet.

Leo

Your self-esteem is writing checks your karma can’t cash. Don’t start a podcast about leadership, at least until you pay your electric bill.

Virgo

You're editing your past like it's a Wikipedia article. Unfortunately, reality keeps reverting your changes.

Libra

You’re one beige homeware choice away from spiritual death. Stop being the world’s most boring emotional chameleon. This week, commit to something. Even if it’s just being wrong with confidence.

Scorpio

You're radiating ‘Do Not Disturb’ energy, but secretly hoping someone breaks in. Just admit you want attention—then weaponize it.

Sagittarius

You're trying to outrun your problems again, but your visa's expiring and your shoes are fake. Sit still. Reflect. Drink water.

Capricorn

You’re scheduling emotional breakdowns between meetings. This week, cancel one. Tell your bosses what you think of them.

Aquarius

You're not ahead of your time. You're just misunderstood and mildly dehydrated. Drink water before trying to dismantle capitalism.

Pisces

You're chasing signs from the universe and ignoring texts from your landlord. Prioritize the one that controls your security deposit.