The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes

May 05, 2025

Aries

You’re one passive-aggressive comment away from total social exile. Maybe don’t send that Line message at 3 a.m. this time.

Your obsession with comfort is now a lifestyle threat. Leave your apartment or legally become part of the furniture.

You’re hosting a full TED Talk in your head, but none of the ideas make sense and the audience has fled. Avoid verbalizing your thoughts.

Every emotional wave you ride this week will leave you soaked, suspicious and sexually frustrated.

Your need for admiration is starting to sound like a hostage negotiation. Let people be.

You’re alphabetizing your trauma. That’s cute. But it’s not going to help you navigate this week’s existential tuk-tuk ride.

You keep balancing everyone else’s drama like a psychic bar tab. This week, default on that debt and go drink alone.

Your secrets are leaking like a badly sealed condo in rainy season. Either come clean or learn to swim emotionally.

You’re planning another spiritual escape that looks suspiciously like day-drinking in Ayutthaya. Call it research.

You’ve monetized your burnout. Congrats? Now you’re just exhausted and efficient. Take a nap or find a new identity.

Your revolutionary ideas are 90% delusion, 10% inspiration, and somehow still catching on. Proceed irresponsibly.

You’ve fallen in love with a fantasy again. Unfortunately, the fantasy has bad credit and a podcast. Wake up.