The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes
Your horoscopes for the week of 7 July 2025.
Aries
You’re on the verge of a breakthrough or a breakdown—unclear which, but both involve yelling at a printer. Embrace the chaos. This week’s cursed beverage: Yakult-and-whiskey smoothie.
Taurus
The more you resist change, the more it shows up at your condo with moving boxes and bad intentions. Let go of the IKEA shelf and walk away. This week’s cursed beverage: durian protein shake.
Gemini
You're flirting with disaster and disaster is absolutely flirting back. Enjoy the attention until it keys your motorbike. This week’s cursed beverage: canned latte left in a hot tuk-tuk.
Cancer
You're feeling everything and understanding nothing. Time to cry in a toilet cubicle like a dignified adult. This week’s cursed beverage: herbal kombucha brewed in a Surat Thani bathtub.
Leo
Your charisma is lethal, especially to yourself. Try humility (just once). Say it’s for research. This week’s cursed beverage: tequila & milk tea smoothie.
Virgo
You’ve planned for every scenario except the one that’s actually happening. Congratulations, you’re probably human. This week’s cursed beverage: aloe vera espresso in a plastic takeaway cup.
Libra
You’ll fall in love with someone’s potential. Again. Might as well start planning the breakup playlist now. This week’s cursed beverage: jasmine bubble tea with beef jerky pearls.
Scorpio
Your intuition is spot on, but your delivery is pure villain monologue. Dial it down before someone cries. This week’s cursed beverage: iced Americano with a single drop of LSD.
Sagittarius
You’ll mistake wanderlust for escape and end up in a hotel that charges extra for air. At least it’s character-building. This week’s cursed beverage: overpriced Long Island iced tea from the airport bar at Koh Samui.
Capricorn
You're three spreadsheets away from total emotional collapse. Rest is not failure, it's just inconvenient. This week’s cursed beverage: a long-forgotten celery soda with electrolytes, purchased from a 2005 vending machine and abandoned down the back of your landlord’s couch.
Aquarius
Your vision is too ahead of its time. Everyone else is still trying to uninstall Line stickers. Be patient. This week’s cursed beverage: coconut water with chia seed floaters.
Pisces
Your coping mechanism is pretending everything’s fine. Unfortunately, your aura is screaming. This week’s cursed beverage: lavender soy frappé with after a night of mixing grain and grapes.