🌘 The Farang Standard Weekly Horoscopes

Apr 06, 2025

Aries

Your impulsive plans will lead to a breakthrough or a blackout. Possibly both. Hydrate and delete that draft apology post.

Comfort zones become cages this week. Unfortunately, yours comes with a minibar and questionable room service.

You’re talking to three people at once and ghosting four. Streamline your chaos or at least alphabetize your regrets.

You’re not actually protecting your peace—you’re just ignoring your Line messages. Pick a fight or pick a therapist.

The spotlight's back, but it's fluorescent and unforgiving. This week’s drama will be low-budget but high-impact.

You're overanalyzing a text like it's a secret code from the universe. Spoiler: it was a butt-dial. Move on.

You're one decorative throw pillow away from a breakdown. This week, balance isn’t found—it’s demanded via ultimatum.

You’ll uncover a secret, misuse it, and somehow gain followers. Dangerous charisma is still charisma.

Wanderlust hits hard, but your budget hits harder. Rebrand your existential crisis as a staycation.

You're climbing the ladder, but it's leaning against a haunted building. Ask yourself: is the ghost you?

You're two conspiracy theories deep and flirting with a third. Just remember, not every synchronicity is a sign to text your ex.

This week you’ll confuse intuition with indigestion. Either way, the outcome involves oversharing and fermented seafood.