“The Crow Smokes, I Profit” — Digital Nomad's Startup Pitch Raises Eyebrows, and Animal Welfare Concerns
BY JOHAN YIVES JOHANOPOLIS, EDITOR-AT-LARGE
BANGKOK, THAILAND — In a city already saturated with inexplicable foreign enterprises—from dog spas to crypto yoga studios—the expat business community has somehow reached a bewildering new low: avian nicotine consumption.
The pitch: "The Crow Smokes, I Profit," described by its Canadian founder, Justin Brandow, as "part street theatre, part social experiment, entirely disruptive," claims to blend bird training with viral marketing potential. It drew hesitant curiosity—and immediate disdain—during Tuesday’s Bangkok Expats Networking Group meet-up at an Ekkamai coworking space
Brandow insists the concept is simple: train Bangkok’s famously assertive urban crows to carry lit cigarettes, creating viral TikTok content and generating sponsorship deals with tobacco-adjacent brands. Investors, he says, would reap "massive returns" from "clicks, engagement, and memes," while completely ignoring ethics, common sense, and Thai law.
"Nobody’s actually smoking the cigarettes except the birds," Brandow reassured attendees, which only added to confusion and discomfort. “And birds can’t read health warnings.”
Local animal welfare groups were less amused, immediately condemning the pitch as "morally bankrupt and scientifically absurd."
Witnesses described reactions ranging from incredulity to despair. "He kept saying 'passive income' as though that explained anything," noted a visibly weary observer named Jen, who spent the rest of the event staring blankly at the ceiling. "I moved to Bangkok for adventure, not to hear a guy talk earnestly about teaching crows to vape."
One attendee attempted a serious follow-up question about animal rights. Brandow deflected by referencing Elon Musk, blockchain, and his own unrelated experience teaching English in a Guangdong shopping mall.
At press time, local crows—blissfully unaware—continued their normal routines: stealing pad thai from street vendors and harassing passing motorcyclists, a business model clearly superior to whatever Brandow had imagined.