Seismic Readings Caused by Farang Convulsing After Declaring “I Can Handle Spicy”
By TRENT MACGUFFIN, EDITORIAL INTERN
BANGKOK, THAILAND — A minor earthquake that rattled Bangkok earlier this week was initially feared to be an aftershock of the March tremor — but has now been attributed to the violent physical reaction of a British tourist attempting to eat som tam “Thai spicy” at a sidewalk stall in Sukhumvit.
According to the Thai Meteorological Department, a 2.7 magnitude tremor was recorded at approximately 7:42 p.m. Thursday. Further investigation revealed the epicenter was not geological, but gastrointestinal.
Witnesses said the man, identified as Craig Pollock, 29, from Leeds, confidently ordered his papaya salad “phet mak mak” (very, very spicy), then tried to prove he could handle it.
“He took one bite and his whole body started vibrating,” said Saiwan Khumdee, who runs the som tam stall. “At first we thought he was doing a dance.”
Pollock reportedly fell to the ground, clutching his chest and convulsing with such force that seismographs across Bangkok picked up the disturbance.
Medical staff at the scene treated Pollock with coconut water, crushed ice, and repeated assurances that he was “not dying, just stupid.”
When approached for comment while still wrapped in a damp towel outside a 7-Eleven, Pollock said: “I just didn’t want to look weak in front of the ladies.”
Authorities have since issued a formal clarification: there is no ongoing seismic threat, but they urge all foreign visitors to exercise caution when ordering food “Thai spicy.”
Pollock later posted a selfie to Instagram, captioned: “Survived Thai spice. Barely. #WarriorSpirit #NeverAgain”
His post was quickly ratioed by Thai commenters suggesting he “start with medium next time.”