Riots Erupt as Sukhumvit 7/11s Run Out of Seaweed Lay’s, Expats Demand UN Intervention
By KIP DUNGWORTH, STAFF REPORTER
BANGKOK, THAILAND — Civil unrest gripped Bangkok’s expat community late Thursday, as reports emerged of widespread shortages of seaweed-flavored Lay’s potato chips in the Sukhumvit area’s ubiquitous 7-Eleven convenience stores. The panic, described by witnesses as “both embarrassing and completely on-brand,” began around 9:30 p.m., when hordes of bewildered foreigners discovered empty shelves where their preferred snack once sat.
Within hours, confusion escalated into mild chaos. At least four American digital nomads reportedly blockaded traffic on Soi 11, demanding immediate snack restitution and “humanitarian aid.” Witnesses described them as “vocal but ineffective.”
“It's an outrage,” yelled Quentin, a 27-year-old from Brisbane who insisted he was launching a change.org petition aimed directly at UN Secretary-General António Guterres. “What’s the point of a functioning supply chain if I can’t get seaweed Lay’s at two in the morning?”
Nearby, British retirees gathered around beer coolers and demanded “someone call Geneva,” citing unspecified “international snack law.”
Thai convenience store staff, seasoned veterans of farang-induced drama, responded with characteristic stoicism. “Same happened with cheesy sausage sandwiches last year,” remarked one weary clerk, mid-shift. “We’ll restock tomorrow. Everyone will survive.”
But panic had already set in. Local entrepreneurs attempted to capitalize on the hysteria, reportedly reselling individual packets on Facebook Marketplace for 400 baht—causing secondary outrage among expats, already frazzled from navigating Thai bureaucracy and crippling humidity.
Not everyone was sympathetic. “This is why nobody respects us,” observed longtime expat Tim, sipping his Leo quietly from a sidewalk bar stool. “Sweet Jesus. We’re rioting over crisps.”
As dawn broke, a tentative calm returned. Witnesses saw multiple exhausted expats staggering home, their snack dreams shattered, their dignity somewhere near Nana Plaza.
At press time, no official response had come from the UN, although diplomatic sources confirmed, perhaps unnecessarily, that “Antonio Guterres has literally never heard of Sukhumvit Road.”