Patpong Night Market Erupts in Laughter After Yank Self-Administers 50,000 Volts of Justice
By JOHAN YIVES JOHANOPOLIS, EDITOR-AT-LARGE
BANGKOK, THAILAND — Tourists and vendors at Patpong Night Market were treated to a rare display of self-inflicted karma Wednesday night, when a middle-aged American man accidentally tasered himself in the mouth after mistaking the device for a “weird-looking vape.”
Witnesses say the man, identified as Gary Winslow, 56, of Fresno, California, had been browsing merchandise while sipping a mango shake and listening along to a nearby EDM remix of “Take On Me.”
Winslow was reportedly browsing a selection of knockoff electronics when he spotted the compact black device nestled between LED fidget spinners and a tray of “Rolex” watches priced by emotional whim.
“He asked if it was ‘one of those new vapes,’” said Min Lwin, 22, a Burmese vendor who sells everything from plastic knuckledusters to Bluetooth speakers. “I tried to tell him no, it’s for self-defense. He said, ‘Cool, I’ll give it a puff.’ I said ‘no, you can’t try it.’ Then he pressed it to his mouth anyways, and pressed the button.”
Moments later, Winslow was found collapsed on the ground. Multiple witnesses described a crackle, a scream and a pirouette.
“He went full cartoon,” said one Swedish backpacker. “Arms out, legs stiff, eyes crossed. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“He did a little shimmy, like he was being exorcised,” said an Australian backpacker who filmed the incident and has since posted it to TikTok with the caption Florida Man discovers electricity. “It was like one of their police videos. The whole market was laughing until one of the security guards decided we should probably call an ambulance.”
Paramedics at the scene treated Winslow for minor burns and confusion. He regained consciousness mid-evacuation, mumbling, “America needs to manufacture again.”
Medical staff confirmed Winslow suffered “minor burns, major embarrassment, and possible damage to his already fragile sense of self-awareness.”
When reached for comment,the following day, Winslow muttered, “I’m suing someone,” before wandering off toward Soi Cowboy in search of a lawyer.
Police say no charges will be filed, but reminded tourists that vapes are illegal in Thailand and that they should heed the directions of street vendors.