"I'm No Tourist," Claims Backpacker Who Has Been Sleeping in 12-Bed Hostel Dorm for 7 Weeks
By KIP DUNGWORTH, STAFF REPORTER
BANGKOK, THAILAND — Declaring himself a “resident” of Thailand's vibrant capital, a 27-year-old English backpacker announced this week that he is definitely not a tourist, despite still sharing a 12-bed hostel dormitory with seven Australian gap-year and a Finnish guy named Olli who hasn’t worn shoes since February.
“I live here now,” insisted Tom Carter, who has been staying at Banana Hammock Hostel on Soi Rambuttri since early March. “I know all the local spots. I even get the cheap pad Thai.”
The “cheap pad Thai” in question, according to sources close to the check-in counter, is still located directly across the street from the hostel, at a Chang-branded beer garden with a neon "Happy Hour All Day" sign. A plate goes for 110 baht.
Hostel staff said they have gently tried to introduce Carter to the concept of renting an apartment, but he insists he is “building a financial runway” while paying nightly rates, washing his clothes in the communal sink, and persuading Tinder matches to cover most of his bar tabs under the guise of “cultural exchange.”
“He talks a lot about ‘integrating with Thai culture,’” said one hostel worker who declined to be named.“But he came back last week bragging about negotiating a tuktuk for the Grand Palace, only to end up buying a suit he didn’t want and getting a ‘bespoke tour’ of the city’s gem stores.”
By week two, Carter had began referring to newly arrived travelers as “newbies” and offering unsolicited advice on temple etiquette. By week five, he had developed a feud with the cleaning staff over him burning incense in the dorm, allegedly referring to the communal bedroom as his “spirit house”.
“He told me to ‘respect the local customs’ right after he lost a flip-flop at a rooftop beer pong tournament,” said Anya Feldstein, a German backpacker who checked out after 18 hours. “He thinks he can speak Thai, but he’s always saying ‘sawadee ka’ to the waitstaff. Embarrassing.”
Asked whether he planned to register for a long-stay visa or a work permit, Carter simply adjusted his man bun and said, “Nah, mate, immigration gets it. I’m basically part of the furniture.”
As of press time, Carter was seen lying shirtless in a lobby hammock, practicing ukulele chords he planned to debut at a “locals-only” open mic night — at an Irish pub on Sukhumvit.