Hotel Shower Heater Declared an Ace After Electrocuting 10 Farangs
By KIP DUNGWORTH, STAFF REPORTER
HUA HIN, THAILAND — In what experts are calling a “career-defining performance,” a budget hotel shower heater has been named MVP of Room 304 after zapping its tenth tourist since being installed, cementing its legacy as a true heavyweight in Thailand’s wet-side electrical circuit.
The unit, a rust-flecked ChampionHeat 2000, granted this reporter an exclusive post-match interview in its grubby, mildew-stained shower stall.
“Look, I just did what I was installed to do,” said the heater, still buzzing faintly. “One minute he was just fiddling with the temperature dial, next minute — boom — toes curling, soul leaving the body, hair standing straight up like a cartoon. Beautiful stuff.”
The 10th victim, a Dutch backpacker named Hans, is understood to have been transported to hospital by ambulance. Sources close to the booking apps say he chose to get the hotel room as a “splurge” following five months in hostel dorms around South East Asia.
Of the nine other victims, seven experienced burns, one claims to now see sound, and another posted a TripAdvisor review titled “Spiritual Awakening Through Pain.” All survived, though none returned for a second round.
“I don’t discriminate,” the heater added. “Aussies, Brits, Germans — anyone with wet feet and bad judgment is welcome. I run 220 volts of equal opportunity.”
When asked about future plans, the bathroom appliance had this to say: “Look, 10 knockouts is all very well, but a fatality is what we’re always aiming for. Yes, it’s a bit disappointing to get to ace status without killing anyone, but on a long enough timeline you’re always going to get an overweight American with a heart condition. So you could say I’m optimistic.
Thailand Authority for Safety-less Electrical Residents (Taser) held a press conference in Bangkok to confer the ace status award and address ongoing safety concerns.
“We’re proud of what this unit has achieved,” said Taser’s regional head of Electrical Fixtures and Liability Denial, a Stiebel Eltron DHCE 10. “In a time when many elements of the tourism industry are failing to make contact with guests in a competitive market, this heater is still connecting with guests in a meaningful — some would say unforgettable — way.”
Back in Hua Hin, hotel management has taped a laminated “Use at Own Risk” sign to the bathroom door in room 304 and increased room rates by 150 baht, citing “energy costs.”