Farang Engages in Multi-Day Psychological Battle With Gecko, Loses Sleep, Dignity, and Ceiling Territory
By KIP DUNGWORTH, STAFF REPORTER
PHUKET, THAILAND — What began as a harmless reptilian encounter escalated into a full-blown siege this week, as a 38-year-old Canadian man lost control of his studio apartment — and his mental stability — to a single house gecko.
The man, identified only as “Nathan” in local group chats, first spotted the reptile clinging to the upper corner of his bathroom ceiling late Monday night. “It looked at me like it knew something,” he reportedly texted a friend. “Something *dark.*”
Despite reassurances from locals that the animal was harmless — even “lucky” — Nathan took a more adversarial stance, launching a campaign of intimidation involving a Swiffer, a Bluetooth speaker blasting Skrillex, and several rolled-up tourist maps.
The gecko did not move.
By Wednesday, Nathan had surrendered the bathroom completely. By Thursday, he was urinating in a water bottle and brushing his teeth at the 7-Eleven down the street.
“He wasn’t the same,” said a neighbor. “His eyes were red. He kept muttering about territorial rights.”
Attempts to smoke out the invader with citronella incense only emboldened it. At one point, Nathan constructed a makeshift curtain to block visual contact. The gecko relocated — two inches to the left.
Desperate and sleep-deprived, Nathan called his Airbnb host to request “immediate strategic reinforcements.” The host blocked him.
On Friday morning, the standoff reached its endgame. Nathan, broken by four nights of whispered chirping and indirect eye contact, collapsed onto the tile floor and began to sob uncontrollably.
The gecko, unmoved, watched from the bathroom AC unit like a tiny god.
none can handle 100 gecs