British Woman Rescues 'Exotic Pet', Discovers It's Just a Well-Fed Silom Rat Named Somchai
By KIP DUNGWORTH, STAFF REPORTER
BANGKOK, THAILAND — A British woman’s Bangkok fairytale collapsed into a in a scene more rodent than radiant this weekend, after her self proclaimed “rare and endangered” rescue animal turned out to be a street rat with an above-average diet and an alleged criminal record.
Fiona L. Windemere-Haughton, 34, of Surrey, reportedly discovered the animal while strolling barefoot through a Silom back alley on her way to “connect with the authentic vibrations of Bangkok.”
Spotting what she described as “a soulful little creature in distress,” Windemere-Haughton said she bundled it into a monogrammed sarong and posted an emotional series of Instagram stories announcing the beginning of a "wildlife stewardship journey."
“I think he might be a palm civet,” she later wrote, alongside a heavily filtered photo of the animal eating a packet of 7-Eleven cheese crackers off her studio floor. “His energy is ancient.”
Locals immediately recognized the animal as Somchai — a semi-legendary Silom rat known for his unusually glossy coat, disdain for rat poison, and apparent immunity to scooter traffic.
“He’s not endangered. He’s in logistics,” said one soi vendor. “Somchai handles half the waste flow from Surawong to Sala Daeng.”
“He’s basically infrastructure,” added a nearby security guard. “That rat eats better than most interns. Honestly, she never stood a chance.”
By the time Windemere-Haughton realized her mistake, Somchai had gnawed through a handwoven rattan basket “blessed by monks in Pai”, shredded three vegan leather handbags, and urinated with precision onto a crystal altar labeled "Manifestations 2025."
Sources close to Windemere-Haughton housekeeping service say the situation deteriorated rapidly when the rat dragged a $400 eco-friendly yoga mat into the bathroom and tore it apart like som tam in a blender.
The revelation came during a call to building security, when a guard entered the condo and casually addressed the intruder by name: “Oi, Somchai, you’re back?”
Unwilling to frame the episode as anything less than transformative, Windemere-Haughton updated her socials, describing the ordeal as “a profound lesson in non-attachment and urban biodiversity.”
Somchai exited the condo on his own terms, reportedly chewing through a MacBook charger and defecating on Windemere-Haughton’s favorite pair of Birkenstocks.
He was last seen waddling back towards Patpong with a pilfered, half-eaten protein bar and an unmistakable look of self-satisfaction.
As of press time, Windemere-Haughton was researching ethical elephant sanctuaries within e-biking distance of Phuket, citing Bangkok’s “chaotic vibrational field” as incompatible with “authentic soulwork.”