British Expat, Cobra Whisperer? Thailand Cheers for Pint-Powered Reptile Wrangler
By JOHAN YIVES JOHANOPOLIS, EDITOR-AT-LARGE
HUA HIN, THAILAND — In a triumph of lager-fueled bravado over common sense, a British expat is being hailed as a hero after nonchalantly removing a three-meter monocled cobra from a seaside pub with nothing but a bar stool, a half-empty pint of Leo, and the unwavering conviction that “snakes can smell fear, mate.”
The man, identified only as Kev, 49, from somewhere “up north”, sprang into action after the serpent slithered onto the patio of the Tipsy Turtle Bar mid-Wednesday happy hour, causing mild alarm, scattered shrieking, and a brief debate about whether it was a really a snake or just a “really dodgy hose.”
Witnesses describe Kev as “impressively relaxed,” possibly due to his having been five pints deep and midway through an impassioned monologue about how “real ale builds character.” Without missing a beat, he allegedly stood up, donned his flip-flops (“for traction”), grabbed a bar stool, and approached the highly venomous cobra while humming what onlookers later identified as Wonderwall.
“He just stared it down, like it owed him money,” messaged Australian backpacker Hamish Darcy, who caught the event on video. “It was the most British thing I’ve ever seen. No plan, just an understated (possibly suicidal) stoicism, covered in sunburn”
According to sources close to the beer tab, Kev lightly prodded the cobra with the stool, muttered “Come on, lad, not tonight.” While the cobra appeared angry and ready to strike, Kev somehow managed to guide it toward the car park, where it vanished into the foliage—presumably to re-evaluate its life choices.
Local authorities arrived on the scene 15 minutes later, only to find the situation resolved and Kev accepting a free round from the relieved patrons, posing for selfies, and explaining how his “natural aura” had clearly calmed the creature.
The video has since gone viral, sparking suggestions from netizens that the best way to handle wildlife intrusions might not be to call the fire department, but to call on the nearest beer garden instead.
When pressed for details on his snake-handling credentials, Kev confessed: “I once held a ferret at a village fair. Same basic principle, innit?”