Bangkok ESL teacher promoted to Head of Department after buying printer ink
By KIP DUNGWORTH, STAFF REPORTER
BANGKOK, THAILAND — In a stunning leap forward for office supply-based meritocracy, a 41-year-old English teacher at the Future Global Synergy Language Institute was promoted to Head of Department Thursday after purchasing a new cartridge of Epson 003 ink.
David “Davo” Kenning, a self-described “linguistic solutions advocate” from Perth, Australia, reportedly shocked school administrators by acquiring the correct CMYK replacement without asking for reimbursement, instructions, or emotional support from the admin staff
“We just assumed he was going to come in late, sigh heavily, and ask one of the Filipina teachers to print his worksheets,” said Assistant Director Ploychanok Na Yai, who has not seen a foreign teacher attempt procurement since 2017. “But then he just walked in with the ink. Like a man.”
The promotion came less than an hour later, in a brief ceremony involving a half-empty bottle of Chang soda water and a round of desultory applause from two coworkers. According to staffroom sources, Kenning's new responsibilities will include unlocking the printer room, managing the quarterly marker audit, and acting as “intercultural liaison” for visiting British gap year students.
Kenning, who refers to himself in class as “Coach K,” says the recognition is “long overdue.”
“For too long, the expat teaching community has been undervalued — especially those of us specializing in cross-cultural emotional literacy through TikTok metaphors,” he said. “This is a win for all pedagogical influencers.”
A former surf instructor turned TEFL graduate, Kenning arrived in Thailand in 2019 with a vision to “empower young minds through chill vibes and conditional grammar.”
Until last week, he had not personally printed a document since his demo lesson.
Experts say the move reflects a broader trend in Thai private language institutions, where actual competence now narrowly edges out a lack of visible intoxication as a metric for advancement. According to the 2024 Expat Educator Index, only 4.7% of foreign teachers in Bangkok own functional office equipment. Of those, less than 1% can identify the difference between matte and glossy A4 paper.
“This is what leadership looks like in the 21st century,” said Johan “Spiffy” Wexler, a former ESL teacher turned real estate mogul. “I mean, I haven’t touched a whiteboard since the global financial crisis, but buying ink? That’s alpha behavior.”
Sources confirm Kenning is now in talks to launch his own management coaching course titled Print Your Way to the Top: Empowering Educators through Medium-Risk Initiative.
“I just want to inspire the next generation of farang educators,” he said, sipping a caramel macchiato in the staff room. “And also maybe get reimbursed. That ink was like 300 baht.”